Grow With Your Children, Not Against Them
This morning’s dog walk gave me one of those unexpected moments of reflection. Teddy caught a scent—her eyes lit up, her tail flicked once—and off she went. I watched her disappear into the distance, and as always, I waited. It’s a route we know well, one we take often, yet there’s still a flicker of caution in the back of my mind. What if she got stuck? What if there’s a gap in the fence near the rail track?
So I stood, listening to the quiet, trusting that she’d do what she always does.
And then, on the horizon, there she was: the happiest sight in the world—Teddy bouncing back toward me, full of purpose. Except this time, she didn’t come directly to where I stood. She ran to where she thought I should have been had I kept walking. She’d predicted my path, my pace, my presence. When she got there and found only empty ground, she paused, puzzled—until she spotted me standing still. Then, with unfiltered joy, she bounded back.
As I watched her sprint toward me, it struck me how similar this is to raising children.
We train a dog and give them freedom. Each time we let them off the lead and they return, trust grows—on both sides. We learn to let go a little more, and they learn to come back, not because they are controlled, but because they are connected.
Children are no different. When we hold too tightly to the reins, when every step they take is monitored or directed, eventually they pull away—not out of rebellion, but out of a deep human need to explore, to try, to become. Independence isn’t a threat; it’s a developmental necessity.
If we never allow them space—real, meaningful space—they’ll seek it in ways that circumvent our rules rather than honour them. They won’t learn how to navigate the world; they’ll only learn how to navigate around us.
But when we grow with our children—when we give them room to wander, try, fail, return, and try again—we teach them something powerful:
- That freedom is safe.
- That home is steady.
- That trust goes both ways.
Teddy didn’t come back because she had to. She came back because she knew I’d be there.
And isn’t that exactly the kind of relationship we hope to build with our children?
Grow with your children, not against them. Let the reins loosen. Allow the world to teach them as much as you do. Trust that they will find their way back—not to where you think they should be, but to where you truly are.
12th December 2025