When You Find Out Something You Didn’t Expect About Your Child

When one of my sons was at preschool, I was pulled aside by one of the teachers. She explained, gently but directly, that he had delayed speech and needed speech and language therapy. It hit me like a bus.

I hadn’t realised. I genuinely didn’t know his speech was delayed. He was my eldest — I had no benchmark to compare him to — and I could understand him completely. So to hear those words, “delayed speech,” felt like someone had dropped the ground out from under me.

At first, I thought, How can that be? All the other children understand him perfectly well. But as I began to observe more closely, I noticed what I had missed: adults were often smiling politely, nodding, trying to piece together what he meant. And I realised that I hadn’t seen it because I had been his safe space — the person who understood his every sound, the one who filled in the gaps without thinking.

What followed wasn’t just concern for him — it was a wave of guilt for me. I felt I had failed him. That I should have known. That somehow, I had missed something vital.

And over the years, I’ve met so many parents who’ve carried that same heavy feeling. Parents who discovered something about their child later than they expected. Parents who were told something unexpected at a check-up, a school meeting, or a therapy session. Parents who walked away thinking, How did I not see that?

But here’s the truth I wish someone had spoken into my ear that very first day:

No parent is trained to spot everything. No parent walks into parenthood knowing what to look for, what’s typical, what’s atypical, or what’s quietly unfolding beneath the surface.

We’re all learning.

We’re all doing our best.

We’re all figuring it out in real time.

So if you’re a parent reading this and feeling that weight — that whisper that you “should have known,” that you “should have done better,” that you “missed something” — please, let it go.

You haven’t failed.

You’ve simply been human.

And being human doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a real one.

What matters isn’t what you didn’t know — it’s what you do once you do know. Showing up, asking questions, seeking support, advocating for your child, and loving them through each new chapter… that is what defines good parenting.

So be gentle with yourself. Celebrate your courage. Recognise your strength. Every step you take from this moment on is one more gesture of love, one more piece of support laid beneath your child’s feet as they grow.

You are not behind.

You are not inadequate.

You are exactly the parent your child needs — learning, growing, and leading with love.

And that is something to be proud of!

12th January 2026